i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
