we made out on top of his cat.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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