ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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