So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
