I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
