A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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