How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
