He asked to "fluff my boner.."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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