is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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