Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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