I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize