Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
