I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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