Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
