She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
