you guys were way drunker than both of me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
