So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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