Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
