We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
