My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
