just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
