He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
