just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize