Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
