You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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