You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
