come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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