During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize