My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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