C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Where is the hickey?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
