this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
