she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
