she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
