We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
