he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
