I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
