No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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