Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
