Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
