Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
