the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
