my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
