Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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