I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
how drunk are you?
Several
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
