you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
