Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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