just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
