last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
is it fun? or sober?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
