look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
