fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Non-Jews are for practice
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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