mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
