Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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