i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
