Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
