i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
