OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
