Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
