is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
