i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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