The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
