woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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