If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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