You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize