how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
