Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
