Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
as a side note pls kill me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
