Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
