i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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