why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
