Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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