If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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