Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize