so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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