amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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